Ever since John decided to buy his first mobile phone, it was apparent that it would never devolve into the kind of love affair that has become so typical of this modern generation, where tv advertisers feel free to mention the fact that human couples spend more time with their phones than with each other and - in the next sentence - unironically try to sell them their data plan and 'the telephone of their dreams'.
To begin with, John wasn’t so keen on keeping himself available at all times, and in all places, to people who weren’t in his vicinity. If he was out bicycling or sojourning in a city park, you’d simply have to wait to relay a message to him. You couldn’t even leave a voicemail message because he didn’t have a voicemail service. That all changed when he lost his cozy office job at a 5-minute walk from his home and applied for a job at the post office, delivering real life mail for a living. His employer informed him that a mobile phone was mandatory because he’d need it in case of an emergency or whatever. Prompted to buy one in advance, he chose the cheapest device for only 10 euros. As soon as he found another cozy office job in a different city, he ditched the damned thing and it lingered around in a drawer unused for nearly a year. The pre-paid number would have expired too if it weren’t for a sudden need to cut back on expenses after John’s contract wasn’t extended and he joined the ranks of the unemployed for the first time since his college years. He terminated his DSL internet broadband connection and exchanged it for a 3G mobile broadband connection. He could also no longer use his VOIP telephony, because the new broadband connection was too narrow for that, but he refused to spend money on a regular phone service.
Making calls was therefore out of the question from here on in. Where he could use his voip- and work phone in the past, he now had to rely solely on e-mail and text messages. But sending e-mails on the go was troublesome now that he was out and about more often. He had a laptop but you can’t whip out a laptop that easily on the road. There’d be no such problem with a smartphone tucked away in his pocket , so he decided upon buying one as a long-term investment. As soon as he found the cheapest model available, he stripped it of as many applications and updates as he could. Facebook, ever the memory slurping and push notifications spewing juggernaut, was the first to go. John swiped it out of existence as determinedly as St. George slayed the dragon. Same applied with twitter, games, movies and books. The only thing he was intent on keeping were system updates. Not that there were any. The phone apparently was already obsolete the moment he bought it. Just like those Samsung phones the news reported about later on. He didn’t mind though.
The only apps he's using until this day are Gmail, online banking, camera and the weather service. And he has actually started calling people with it! Free of charge, thanks to his mother’s T-mobile family plan he’s now a group member of. So basically, his smartphone is nothing more than an ennobled mobile phone. It’s WiFi has turned WiFri (frigid) and it’s Bluetooth brown from rust.
Raymond Kurtzweil will be so disappointed if he finds out. John’s orphaned and nigh obsolete smartphone is probably still the most sophisticated piece of technology he has. If he represents the typical average household, the singularity won’t take place for at least another couple of centuries.
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Johannis van der LindenIk woon in de wijk Charlois, Rotterdam. Ben geïnteresseerd in politiek, muziek en literatuur. Wanneer ik soms mijn intellectuele luiheid overwin, schrijf ik er ook graag iets over. Archives
September 2016
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